As we emerge from the fog of 2020 in all of its diabolical complexity, it should be unremarkable that the state of the world has not altered from dusk to dawn, from suck to serenity. I awoke to a pallid sky, dense with dependable Pacific Northwest cloud cover. My local hospital’s ICU is at capacity. Washington State reported 4425 new coronavirus cases on New Year’s Eve. And yet I cannot resist the resounding urge to rally for hope in the New Year.
This past trip around the sun has been a multidimensional smorgasbord of revelations and struggles. Like everyone who has trudged this road for the past 365 days, I abandoned some goals and intentions, dropped unceremoniously somewhere between March and November. They were just too heavy to carry. In retrospect, I let go of plans to forge new paths in lieu of just making it to my destination. But with the New Year in sight, I was empty-handed. I wanted to have something to show for the upheaval of these long months. The problem with a pandemic, served up with a side of political division and an extra helping of social injustice, is that it’s not like building abs. Nobody can see the work you’ve done – all the endurance and enlightenment is invisible to the naked eye. So naturally, in this reality where it didn’t happen unless it’s photogenically displayed for all to see on social media, I longed for a paper moon stand-in.
Scrolling the Instaverse, I stumbled across a 50k Challenge. What better way to mark the end of 2020 with some positivity, I thought, than tie a bland, pretty ribbon around this festering turd of a year? Clock in 50K running/walking/cycling by midnight on New Year’s Eve & you become a winner! Now I don’t want to discount this accomplishment for anyone for whom it marked a true milestone, so let me clarify my mindset when I clicked “yes” & ordered my ugly, ill-fitting t-shirt – I made a list and checked it twice to assure myself that this would indeed be an UNCHALLENGING, achievable goal, akin to checking “get out of bed” off my to-do list. With 6+ weeks to NYE, it meant running 1-2mi, 3x/wk. As someone who works out regularly, this was not a challenge – it was a participation medal. But I didn’t care – I wanted something shiny to gloss over the fact that I lost grasp of some dreams over the past several months. I longed for something to assuage my disappointment, to soothe my soul after a torrential year of divide and disease. The only stretch outside my comfort zone was to vow to not use my cycling mileage and invite others to join me on the journey.
Then, in true form, 2020 struck again, and on the Monday after Thanksgiving, my entire left torso erupted in an angry rash… what prize did the Year of ‘Rona bequeath me? A diagnosis of shingles, a virus that typically only affects OLD PEOPLE and takes 3-5 weeks to heal! Even now, as I type nearly 5 weeks after diagnosis, my nerve endings tingle and zap me in the spots where the rash continues to heal. So it is not remarkable that, as the New Year drew close and my body continued to battle this virus, even my paper moon of a medal was stretching out of reach. I attempted little, short runs, but they seemed to slow my recovery, so I stuck to gentle stretching, yoga and lots of Epsom salt baths. But it ate at me. Even my consolation prize was unattainable – so. frustrating.
This week I was finally able to sleep through the night and so I decided to resume cardio. My first bike ride was a scant 20min, but my lungs felt like lead as I battled through. I scrolled through my 50K Challenge app as I caught my breath, berating myself – just how many miles was I leaving on the table, undone? But then something came over me. Resolve. Why couldn’t I finish? I had no parties to attend, no pressing engagements, no other major to-do’s to complete… what was stopping me from finishing other than myself? After a couple quick calculations, I made a plan. I dropped my “running miles only” condition and over the next 3 days, I logged over 44 miles on my bike and 6+ miles on the tread. I hit a personal running record & nailed a goal I hadn’t achieved in over two decades, since my runs were derailed by a series of back injuries. By 6pm on New Year’s Eve, I was able to claim that participation medal – that snowflake bestowed upon all those who log 50K on their little app tracker – and it was so much more meaningful than what I had originally planned for myself. So what did I learn?
- All the unnoticed hard work – in this case, the daily grind I invest in my physical health – is never wasted and can serve as the foundation for overcoming unanticipated obstacles;
- Never underestimate the power of community – buoyed by the accomplishments of the people who joined me on this 50K journey, I was able to turn their successes into my motivation; and
- We can be distracted from our goals, but that does not have to shatter our resolve.
So on this first day of 2021, I am reexamining goals I discarded in 2020. Instead of burying them with regret, I’m perusing the assortment and determining which are worth retrieving and which were, truly, paper moon distractions. Sometimes the universe seems to be working against us, but this little 50K, my very own Holiday Hustle, was yet another sign that all struggles – all setbacks – are simply different paths to a better plan. As we each look into 2021 with both optimism and some bit of trepidation, I know we have each exercised all of our senses and, although those efforts are invisible to the naked eye, all that we have endured and overcome has prepared us for what is to come. As we enter this new calendar year, I hope we can approach our obstacles with our minds open to growth and possibility, our hearts full of hope and resolve.
Happy New Year, Everyone!
Musings of a Mom 